Friendships

Many have come and gone throughout the years. Until recently I have stayed at a place for a long period of time that has allowed me to cultivate at least one friendship for years. When it comes to friends I believe that quantity is not what matters but quality. I love dearly all the people that are currently in my life & unlike last year, I do not feel alone & question whether I am truly liked. I guess it also helps to have a more open-minded mentality & to allow yourself to be & let others be. I used to simply stop talking to somebody when they did something I disliked. I now try to be more flexible because nobody is ever going to be perfect & we should accept others how they are. Flaws & all.

Music

I know that you all know about my creepy infatuation for Brian Molko but lately I have been seeking to branch out in my musical preferences & have succeeded to some degree. I think the problem relies on the fact that once I like an artist or a band I just become so obsess with it that, that is all I can hear until I get sick of all their material. Not very healthy, is it? At any rate, lately, I have been really into Morrissey (lead singer of The Smiths), The Strokes, Manic Street Preachers, Lou Reed, Artic Monkeys & Little Boots. Out of that list I am especially extremely into Morrissey due to the message his songs convey. They are all about *shocker* not having the best luck in the romance department. Examples:

 Last Night I dreamt that Somebody Loved Me

Last night I dreamt

That somebody loved me

No hope, but no harm

Just another false alarm

Last night I felt

real arms around me

No hope, no harm

Just another false alarm

 I have forgiven Jesus

Why did you give me

So much desire?
When there is nowhere I can go
To offload this desire
And why did you give me
So much love
In a loveless world
When there’s no one I can turn to
To unlock all this love
And why did you stick me in
Self-deprecating bones and skin
Jesus – do you hate me?
Why did you stick me in
Self-deprecating bones and skin

I obviously listen to extremely cheerful music!

Hair

I have recently changed my hair from this:

To this:

& if you have followed me through my defunct blog or YouTube channel, you know that while I am afraid of mainly everything when it comes to changing my hair…well, I just simply feel compel to reinvent myself in that regard. I stayed with the asymmetrical with the blond chunks for more time than I should had due to how I much I loved the look. I still do & I am still trying to get used to my bob. I believe it will look better once my sides become equal. What led me to change my hair was my trip to Austin for SXSW. Everybody’s look was just so effortless cool & the hair was no exception. So very vintage! I decided to give it a go & look a tad less high maintenance. LOL…ha!

& on that note, my rambles have come to an end. I promise I will try to update this thing more often!

When I first started going to the gym, my trainer told me there was another trainer who found me really cute due to my accent. (Right…) He wanted to go to dinner with me & was quite insistent or my trainer at least kept talking about it. I found this all very endearing in an awkward kind of way because he didn’t approach me & two; he wasn’t my type at all. The guy wasn’t ugly or anything but, just really not someone I find attractive. I know I should give people a chance because appearance is not what truly matters; the inside it’s what does… but, fuck that! Everything starts due to how we look on the outside! I may be single but, I am not desperate & if I don’t find somebody attractive (not matter how many people do) I am not going to go out with them just for the fuck of it or due to the experience it may give me. Guys are the same way or worse in that regard. & so yes, I am a shallow person. At least I admit it.

As I was saying, I found the situation very infantile & I just didn’t know what to do because I didn’t want to be mean. On the day I was ‘officially’ supposed to be introduced to him, my trainer asked me if I found him ‘cute’, I had to be truthful, I simply cannot lie. & so I admitted he wasn’t my type which of course led to her saying I didn’t have to meet him if I didn’t want to & that was the end of that. It’s awkward seeing him at the gym because well, I dislike rejecting people but, I feel it’s worse to lead people on. Despite everything, I was flatter somebody found me attractive without my 20 pounds of makeup & everything that goes into my daily appearance. I frankly didn’t think that was possible since I consider myself a hideous creature without all my trannilicious production. It was nice ego boost. It sure was.

A few days ago a really creepy guy approached my dear friend. I would tell that story but, hey, this is my narcissistic extravaganza so I will focus on what involved me. Long story short Creepy Guy had a friend who found me attractive & wanted us to ‘hook up’. (Oh, how I despite that term! It just sounds so wrong.) Once again, he was completely not my type & the fact that he didn’t have the guts to approach me; it was just a complete turn off. My friend made an excuse which really it’s not that far from the truth. She told Creepy Guy, that I am busy with school & that I don’t have time for dating. Sadly, I have them two for not only the class I share with my friend but also in another one. & you know me, I just find it awkward. If I ever get a reality show that should be the name of it, ‘The Awkward Life of Consuelo’. I swear my life is just a big spiral of awkwardness. Joy.

& so the moral of these stories is not to brag about the guys I have infatuated with my ethereal beauty but, the fact that when you least expect it shit happens. (I am so poetic in how I word things.Oh yes, yes, I am.) Last year I would have loved for anybody to show that kind of attention to me & would have probably given them a chance due to my desperation. I feel like change girl! I swear I feel very happy being by myself & if I happen to find somebody in this period great, if I don’t that’s fine too.  There is so many thing life has to offer that we shouldn’t feel like we need to settle for just anybody because ‘oh,noess! I have been single-for-fucking-ever. I am a loser!’ Fuck that. Life isn’t defined by the amount of relationships you had! Yay! I am happy being single & so very pristine. ;D

The most classy place to take pictures at: the restroom. My face expression is just so…ridiculous. I HAD to embarrass myself by posting it.

Besides from school, I am still working out 3 times a week at the gym. I have said this before but it just needs to be restated again: it’s one of the best damn things I have embarked on. It’s amazing to see how your body changes from having no definition to seeing your arms gained some muscle & your legs looking tone. It really does wonders to oneself confidence. When I started working out my body fat percentage was 16.7 & it went down to 16.3. (Body fat percentage is different than BMI, something that I wasn’t aware of.) My body fat was low before & for it to get lower kind of amuse me. I guess it’s the feeling of accomplishment & knowing that you’re doing something good that takes dedication & hard work for no one other than yourself.

I am also still seeing a therapist. For some strange reason I always want to cancel my appointment on the day of or simply not show up. Afterwards I always feel so much better & happier that I forced myself to go. It’s truly cathartic & great for the soul to speak to somebody –no inhibitions- about the things most people don’t know about you. She helps me challenge those negative thoughts that like to surface from time to time & makes me feel less alienated. I know that I am different than others & have difficulty connecting but, that’s no reason to live a life fill  with negativity & depression. We should always challenge our thoughts & try to be happy as much as it’s possible. Otherwise, what’s the point of it all?

I love this song by Queens of the Stone Age & frankly feel like I can relate enormously to the lyrics.

Let’s always look at the bright side of things. Life is too short to be wasted on negativity or feelings of low self worth.No one is flawed & no one deserves to feel like they’re. We’re all we have, let’s love & appreciated ourselves!  We can feel alone even when we’re with a crowd of people so self-love it’s CRUCIAL. I am not stating that I am the master of this art but, I am sure trying to better myself one day at a time & letting the dark persona that torment me for years behind.It brings no joy to live that kind of lifestyle.  Cyber love & kisses to you all.

But, I digress…

I bought a bunch of goodies & was quite content with my purchases because if there is another thing I love besides from makeup, reading, & music is good eating.  And so I came home a very happy girl & prepared a feast which consisted of carne en salsa verde con calabacitas y elote and a side of whole grained whole rice. (For you non-Spanish speaking people, meat with green sauce, zucchini & corn.)It was delicious, of course. I am proud that out of the many things I suck at, cooking isn’t one of them.

A couple of weeks ago I ordered on the internet a bottle of rompope, the Mexican version of eggnog. I do not drink but, this beverage is perfect to make desserts with & that it’s exactly what I did today. My BFF Google helped me find an amazing rompope with corn cheesecake recipe. It was fairly simple to do too so I decided being in a funk & all it was the perfect time to do it. While still on the oven I drizzled some more rompope on top of the pie which really gave it a nice color & more flavor.I was very happy how it turned out. It was sweet but not overpowering & I couldn’t really taste the alcohol which was a major plus. (I HATE the taste of alcohol.)

This feast did raise my mood for a few hours, inevitably though I am feeling quite gloomy again. But, it is okay. In life we’re meant to have our ups & downs. I had not felt this way in more than a month & I think the stress of coming back to school & hormones ( I hate you, Mother Nature) are getting to me. Big time.

I am not helping the situation by listening to the slowest, most melodramatic Placebo songs on my iTunes…

Have I mention my utter love for Placebo? I love, LOVE, love them. I want to make sweet passionate love to Brian Molko or have dinner with him & stare at his beauty for as many hours as he would allow me to. If I had enough money, the right connections & he was willing I would so propose that. Aye! The world is an unfair place & I don’t know when this entry became about my weird love for Mr. Molko.

Tomorrow brings a better day full of unexpected things. On that note,here are some pictures of my creations:

Teenage Angst by Placebo ( How can somebody be so perfect & beautiful?)

Cheers,

-Consuelo

When I mentioned to an acquaintance that I really wanted to start exercising her reply was, “why? You are not fat.”  I was astonished to say the least that people think exercising is only meant to be used to lose weight. What about being healthy? What about feeling proud of how toned you’re?

I decided to exercise because I want to look at myself in the mirror & like what I see & not feel ashamed of my legs & arms. I want to actually have some definition & be toned. Plus, the health benefits are simply amazing. I can honestly say that since I started to exercise I have felt happier than I’ve ever felt before. My stress levels have decreased & my periods of gloominess basically disappeared. I can kick myself for not doing this before.

Losing weight shouldn’t be the first thing on people’s minds when the subject of exercise arises. There are many ways to lose weight without the need to be active. 7 years ago I lost 50 pounds by solely changing my diet & controlling my portions. No exercise, no nothing. I have kept the 50 pounds off ever since so I must be doing something right.  My diet consists of eating a lot of organic fruit, vegetables, protein, grains & not denying my sweet tooth but doing it in moderation. Losing weight & wanting to keep it off it’s definitely a life long commitment. You have to have self control & know that you can’t have junk food everyday without it affecting your waistline.

Though for me it was easier to change my diet, losing weight by just doing this it’s not the best idea. If you’re losing a big amount of weight, you have to exercise in order to not have flaccid skin & become toned. 7 years later, I finally decided to commit myself. I reject not doing it before but, it is never late to want to improve ourselves.

I really love that I am finally snapping out being negative & doing things that enrich my life & make me happy. It has taken me 21 years to be in this mental state. It couldn’t have come at a better time.

In true fashion to my laziness, I wanted to make a dessert that was easy to make & that did not require any baking. Inspiration & common sense overcame me & so I decided to make rice crispy treats. Special rice crispy treats! Typically rice crispies are make with marshmallow, rice crispy and butter. Browsing through the grocery store I decided to feed my chocoholic self, hoping the ingredients chosen wouldn’t make the rice crispy too sweet. Thankfully, they didn’t! Instead I accomplished a very addicting dessert that I hope you all enjoy!

Ingredients:

1.3 cups of mini marshmallows

2.2 tablespoons of butter

3.2 cups of Cocoa Pepples

4.A handful of Heath chocolate baking pieces

Preparation:

1.In medium heat add the butter until it melts

2.Add the marshmallows, making sure you constantly stir them while they’re melting.

3.Once the marshmallows are completely melted,  take them off the heat & add the Cocoa Pepples stirring them until they are completely  coated.

4.Add a handful of the Heath chocolate baking pieces and once again stirred them until they are evenly distributed.

5.Butter a pan & spread the mixture evenly. Once it cools, cut into pieces and voila! Delicious goodness for the win!

Warning:

I am not a fan of measurements, so I eyeballed the ingredients & gave an estimated of how much I used. Adjust them depending on how many you’re planning to make (I made a small batch).

Hope you all like my recipe and enjoy!

Cheers,

-Consuelo

I am really appreciative of this opportunity because it will look great on my application for grad school & it provides me some much needed experience. It also makes me appreciate my life on a deeper level. Throughout my life I have dealt with feelings of being worthless, stupid & ugly. These people with actual disabilities are working with their struggles to have a semi functional life. They have to work towards learning basic skills I take for granted such as making a phone call, driving, interacting with people, etc. It really opens your eyes to reality around you. I am blessed & I should be appreciative of everything I have. This whole nonsense of low self worth it is something I am working to overcome because it’s frankly pointless & selfish.

My life has been at a stable place for once in a very long time. Sometimes I still worry about the future & whether I will or not accomplish my dreams. Life however, should be taken one day at a time & I constantly remind myself of that. Nothing guarantees us that we will be alive tomorrow but, we can live each day to the fullest. What does living to the fullest imply you may ask? I think it involves doing everything you love & working towards accomplishing your goals. You may not be the smartest person but, life it’s an endurance race not a race to see who can get anywhere the fastest. Everything takes passion & drive to be accomplished, without it goals are simply meaningless. It doesn’t matter how smart you may be, dedication it’s crucial.

My jigsaw pieces will fall into place. I just need to be patience & work hard towards accomplishing my goals.

Cheers,

-Consuelo

1. Add about 2-3 cups of coffee in the blender

2. Add about 20 ice cubes. I had made some coffee malt the previous day & instead of wasting it, I made it into ice cubes. You can also freeze left over coffee. This will help not dilute the coffee flavor & give it a special touch.

3. Add 1 tablespoon of vanilla extract.

4. Add half of cup or less of 2% plain reduced fat milk. It depends on how strong you prefer the coffee flavor to be.

5. Add about 3-4 packets of Splenda.

6. Blend until all the ice has been crushed.

7. Pour in a glass and add chocolate chips or whip cream on top.

Enjoy!

I added measurements for the sake of being precise but, you can eye ball the ingredients and add more of less depending on what it feels right to your taste buds.  There is really not a right or wrong way to do this. Get creative!

Cheers,

-Consuelo

If you’re like me it’s hard to let go. Memories of what could have been keep replaying in your mind like a broken record. Unable to stop you resort to attempt to keep busy by mindlessly watching TV or working. Yet, the memory it’s still there, trying to escape your subconscious and invade your reality. How to let go? How to get a sense of closure when an aspect in your life ended bitterly or couldn’t be accomplished?

It’s crucial to confront this painful memory.

The more it’s avoided, the more it grows like a plague trying to take away every last bit of your sanity. Ask yourself why does this memory recur, why can’t you let go.  It’s normal to feel reject, guilty or sad that things didn’t go according to plan. However, we should never blame ourselves or engage in self-loathing. Understand that some things are beyond our control & that life it’s full of up’s & down’s. Things will not always work out, people we like are not always going to reciprocate our feelings & perfection can never be achieved. It’s part of life to go through painful experiences.

Take it as a learning experience.

It sounds cliché but, I am a firm believer that hardships make us stronger. Take this situation as an opportunity to grow as a person.  Forgive yourself for your wrong doings &/or for the pain somebody else may have caused you. Sometimes it helps to write things down. Find a quiet place away from distractions & just write everything that comes to mind, no inhibitions.  Afterwards, go outside put the paper inside a coffee can & burn it. Think of the paper as a representation of the past you’re letting go to move forward into a better & brighter future that does not allow any mental baggage.

Don’t be afraid of your emotions.

It is okay to feel angry, cry, scream or to want to pig out on comfort food. Instead of doing all of this alone, why not do it with a group of friends? Humans are social creatures & being in the company of people who care about us usually provides a sense of comfort.  Don’t feel ashamed of being emotional. I know sometimes I feel guilty when I think I am being way too sensitive without what I perceive to be a good enough reason. The truth is that, if something is strong enough to still matter to you, it is not weird or wrong to feel.

Without a doubt, letting go can be one of the hardest process we go through. The keys to success are time & patience. There is a reason why it’s said that time heals all wounds. It is crucial to take a positive approach towards healing instead of beating ourselves up with negativity. This as an opportunity to learn more about yourself & grow as a person. And remember that although you may feel bad now, life will provide you many opportunities to be fulfilled & happy.Keep your chin up & hope I provided a bit of help.

Cheers,

-Consuelo

Can I just say that the soundtrack for this movie is fucking epic? It is Glam rock in all of its glory. I have seriously been compulsively listening to this album over & over again. My favorite songs are Nailed & Sugar Daddy while The Origin of Love makes me cry like an infant, (not due to it being bad).The message behind the song it’s simply beautiful.

2. Cannolis

Who would have thought that this relative easy to make Italian pastry could be so damn scrumptious? I recently tried to make some on my own & I honestly say they turned quite alright. I was a lazy ass & bought already made cannoli shells & simply whipped up the filling by using low fat ricotta cheese, confectioners sugar &  dark chocolate chips.You can also use dried fruits, sprinkles, nuts, etc. On my next attempt I will probably add vanilla extract to give it a more delicious touch. Many moons ago I used to adore baking goodies but, since the death of my stepfather I have lost the interest in it.Perhaps, I have not completely moved on. Anyways, I will not turn this into a melodrama. I mean, how can I when talking about fucking cannolis?  I also love cream puffs but, I have a feeling those would be arduous to make.

3.  Salads

Disliking salads is beyond my comprehension! They can be a clean palette for the most creative concoctions. The salad I like the the most to make involves arugula, mandarins, feta cheese, chickpeas, finely chopped onions & walnuts. For the dressing I usually mix, olive oil, red wine vinegar, whole grained Dijon mustard  & a few drops of lime. So.Fucking.Good.

I am such a salad enthusiast  due to how easy & convenient they are to make. A big plus is that they’re good for you…unless, you drench them in ranch dressing. A big no, no, in my book.I pretty much hate all creamy dressings.

4. Brian Molko

Okay, I am getting into serious creepy fan girl territory here but, how can you not be totally hypnotize by this man? He is so damn beautiful. He is funny, witty, sarcastic & straight to the point in his interviews. I could only wish I was half as eloquent as he is but alas that’s not the case. It should be illegal to be that divine.

5. Bottom Down Shirts

They’re unisex, easy to wear & go with everything. I personally love to wear them with shorts, skinny jeans & skirts. Shoes wise I paired them with sandals or flats. If I don’t feel like doing  my hair I  add a hat & I am ready to go. It is an easy way to look stylish without really putting too much effort into your outfit.

At any rate, those are my summer obsessions. (Brian has been an obsession longer than that but, it doesn’t matter.) I just had a random urge to write thus you witness my word vomit. Awesome? Awesome, indeed.